Sentiment
by khaleesiofmischief
Summary: Locked in a cell, lost in his thoughts, a powerless Loki has the chance to ponder on his life and answer for his crimes...Sequel to "Seduction Before Absolution" because you were very supportive! Rated M for future chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Dark. This one word is more than enough to describe my cell.

A cell indeed. I am a God, a sorcerer, a Frost Giant; I could escape any time…if I still had my powers. But Odin, my dear _father_, has stripped me of all my powers before I could so much as blink. Now I am nothing but a mere, weak, vulnerable, pathetic mortal. That is what Loki Laufeyson, the rightful King of Asgard, has become.

Enough with the self-pity. I _will_ find a way out of here. I have to. All Father shall have me executed, there is no doubt on that. I have done horrible, horrible things. I must be punished, and punished I shall be.

Thor hasn't paid a visit yet, and honestly that hurts me more than it should. Much more. What is Thor to me?

Do I really want to answer that question?

He is my brother and my friend. My lover and the person I hate most of all in the world, in every world, because he has such great power on me without even trying.

He is angry with more for certain. He strongly believes that I have used his love for me in order to save myself. Well, I did just that at first. But then I gave in. I love him, and that shall be my undoing.

I cannot allow this. Hatred is the only emotion that I "support". Hatred is pure, cleansing. If you hate someone but they don't hate you back, you don't end up heart-broken. When hatred finds a home in your heart, all you are is driven and free.

And lonely.

So, yes, this is my life. Wonderful, is it not? Well, I hate it. I hate everything. I can't live as a mortal. I have been so close. I could reach out and grab the world and rule and do whatever the hell I wanted with it. Now, however, I am nothing but Loki the wretched.

Maybe execution would have been better, a kinder fate. At least, I would keep my pride and dignity. I wouldn't have to endure all this. The pain, the loneliness, the absence of my own honor. I would die as Loki, the King of Asgard. Now, I shall die as a mere mortal who had been defeated again and again and again.

The thought that the presence of Thor would make things better is killing me. I don't need anyone. I am fine on my own, thank you very much! I have seen how I was when I had "friends" –I am, of course, referring to Lady Sif and the notorious Warriors Three—and how I was without friends. I do not need friends. I don't need anyone. I almost gave everything up for Thor. Then, I got my sense back and stabbed him.

Yes, well, I cannot really blame him for not wanting to see me. I would just love to see him angry once again. I do not know why, but I love seeing him angry. Maybe it is the fact that it reminds me just how possessive and strong and dominating he can be. What I am sure of is that sometimes I can do anything in order to provoke him and see him put the mask of the God of Thunder on. And now I have given him enough reason to be angry with him, haven't I?

I have been a bad boy. Will you punish me, brother?

Or will you just leave me here to rot or kneel before you just as I wanted those mortals to kneel before me? I am a mortal now as well. It is my natural state now.

Has Odin crowned you King yet? Why shouldn't he? You are so big and strong, we must worship thee. You are Odin's true heir, and there is no one around to bring Frost Giants inside Asgard and ruin your crowning day. Maybe you should call your new friends, the Avengers, to be present at the ceremony. Wouldn't that be great? Stark would make fun of everything. Barton would be constantly looking for me in order to put an arrow in my eyeball. Romanoff would be at his side, as beautiful and courteous and deadly as ever. Rogers would try to understand our world. Banner would try to remain calm so as not to turn into a green monstrosity.

I will not be there. I will not be by your side. I will remain here, unaware of what is going on outside the bars, suffering. And you will forget about me as if I have never been a part of your life, your brother, your friend, your companion, your lover. I will die, but no one will remember me. Not even as the monster I have grown to become, the monster I have always been, the monster I have been born to be.

Leave me alone. Leave me here in this dead silence, this decaying cell. I do not need your pity. And I do not need sentiment. Life is better without it. Life is better without you…


	2. Chapter 2

Well, to be honest, imprisonment is boring. After my adventure in Midgard, this feels so…dull. No one around to be mad at me. No one to even threaten me. The guards come and go, but they never speak. It is like everyone has already forgotten me…

I have never particularly liked crowds. But there is a big difference between big crowds and isolation. I have been waiting for Thor to come for so long, yet my dear brother has chosen to ignore me and move on…Can I really call him "brother" now? Or "lover"? Surely not. I am nothing to him…

And then, one day, just as I begin to think that I may die out of boredom –maybe that was Odin's plan all along—Thor comes. He stays outside the bars, watching me as I pretend to be sleeping. I can feel his captivating blue eyes on me, but I do not open mine. Yes, I am glad that he is finally here, yet I have my pride. He has kept me waiting for him; I can make him wait now. It's only fair.

I am certain that he opens and closes his mouth and then repeats the action, searching for the right words, looking quite like a fish. No, I am not going to help him by speaking first. He is on his own.

"Why did you do this?" he asks, sounding angry but also a little tired.

Why? Don't you know why, Thor? Because you all lied to me and betrayed me. Because I fell into the abyss. Did that image ever haunt your dreams? Did you ever have nightmares of it? Or did you have Lady Sif by your side, and she cast all the pain away?

Moments pass, and I think that he has left. Right before I open my eyes, Thor whispers, "I'm sorry, brother." After that, he truly leaves.

And so, once again, here I am, alone to face the rest of me. And who am I really? I used to be a God, a sorcerer, a Frost Giant, but Odin has taken all that away from me. Now I am just Loki. Who is Loki, though? What does he want? What does he need?

What is Thor sorry for? Is he sorry because I am locked in a cell, with a hole where my powers used to be, with loneliness as my constant and only companion? Or is he sorry because of what I have done, because of what I have turned out to be? Can you erase this monster I have become, dear brother? Do you even care enough to try? Can you mend our broken bond? Will you attempt to save what we had?

I don't need you. I am fine on my own. I have never had need of you. I do not need anyone. I only need my powers back. And when I do have them back, I will tear the walls, I will make all of you kneel before me, I will slave your hearts, I will take your souls and play with your minds.

No, I do not need you, my dear lover. I do not need your strong and protective arms around me. I do not need your soft lips on mine. You are lost to me now, brother. And I am lost to the world.

Nevertheless, it it Thor who visits me in my dreams.

I am in that cage where the S.H.I.E.L.D. people put me, the one that had been created for the Hulk. I recognize the scene I am dreaming of. It is when dear Natasha came to me. She is a clever and cunning little bitch, I have to admit. Fragile yet devious.

However, when I say, "Not many people can sneak up on me like that" and turn around, I see a blond-haired statue of a man. He has his strong arms crossed over his muscular chest, and a mixture of emotions play in his blue eyes.

"You've been expecting me?"

I give him one of my best evil grins. "But of course", I reply airily. "You have come here for me. You tried to convince me to come home. Wouldn't you come here as a friend to reason with me? You are going to appeal to my humanity. Or, perhaps, you will use your charms on me and try to seduce me out of this."

Now he looks angry. "I would not use my love for you or your love for me –if there ever was—for any reason", he says sternly.

Ouch. Obviously he meant that I would easily and gladly do something like that, because apparently I have never truly loved him. Words often hurt more than physical blows. I can feel that now. Yet I will not let him see that. I must be strong and unpredictable, my face clear and unreadable.

"Then why are you here?" I ask, pretending that his words have had no effect on me.

"To speak with you. Why are you doing this, Loki? What do you want?"

Oft times, my dear brother can be so foolish. Does he seriously expect me to spill the beans –as the Midgardians say—like that? Oh Thor, you can do better…

"I've told you that I mean to rule them, Odin's son. I am better than them, above them; I was born for this."

"Don't forget your place, brother. You were born a Frost Giant."

For a moment, I have the very delightful and vivid image of ripping his eyes out. Thor hasn't seemed to care about my true parentage. Yet now he throws that card as a terrible insult to me. I am not creation whether he is trying to break me and make me speak about my plans or whether he is so angry with me that he means all the things he says.

He lets out a sigh and walks closer to my cage. I am the one trapped in here, caged like a beast, but he is the one who looks tired, helpless, lost. For a heartbeat, I want to comfort him. Then I remember that sentiment is for the weak.

"Please, brother", he begs. "Let us go home."

"So that Odin can have me executed? I think not."

"He will not. I shall speak with him and convince him to be merciful. I will beg him if I have to. Just…come home."

His eyes are so sad and pleading. It is like I am staring at an ocean. There is no bottom, and I am drowning. I am falling into another abyss, and that abyss is Thor. That abyss is more dangerous for my plan than any other. No, I cannot fall.

"Go, brother", I tell him coldly. "We have nothing to discuss."

He looks sad and disappointed at first, but then his face becomes an unreadable mask, very much like mine own. "They will hurt you, brother", he says. I do not know if it is a simple statement, a warning, or a promise.

I just nod. Let them come.

Thor walks away from me, his arms fallen to his sides as if they are two dead things. Right before he leaves, he turns his head and looks at me. I can see hurt in his eyes. So much hurt.

"I love you, Loki."

And then I wake up. I try to push that dream out of my head. As a great weaver of lies, I try to deny everything. But I have been in denial for too long, and my lies do not sound convincing and believable to me anymore.

In the end, I confess.

"I love you, Thor."


	3. Chapter 3

**I kinda made this chapter a bit fluffy in the end, but I hope you'll like it! A big thanks to anyone who has reviewed, favorite or followed my story! It means a lot to me! :)**

The next day, the guards come for me. At first I think that they are here to bring me food, but they carry nothing that can be eaten and they are far too many for such an easy task. Maybe they have come so as to take me to Odin. I might get executed after all.

One of them unlocks my door and enters with the rest of them. One of them stands outside, checking if anyone is coming. The guards inside my cell have evil, smug grins on their faces. They are up to something delightful for them…but surely not for me. Maybe they will beat me up.

They soon show me that they have something worse in mind…

After that day, I want to die. I am not even strong enough to want to kill them. I just want to stop living, because I cannot take this anymore. I have nightmares of that day, and I fear every day a guard comes in order to leave me food.

Thor comes to me a few times, but I always pretend to be asleep. He calls my name, he says that we need to talk, yet I dare not open my eyes. I do not want to see anyone, not after what the guards have done to me. I cannot face Thor especially, because I am certain that he will find out that something is wrong. Maybe I will not be that mocking. Maybe my voice will come out a little shaky. Maybe in my eyes he will see that they have broken me.

One day, however, he gives me no choice. He orders one of the guards to let him in, and the guard unlocks the door and locks it again when Thor is inside. We wouldn't want the monster to escape, would we?

"Loki, do not mess with me!" he says crossly. "I know you are awake!"

Oh Thor, you are so clever! Did you realize that I am not actually asleep just now, after so many visits, or had you suspected something before? Who's a good boy? You are! Yes, you! Now sit, boy! That's my good boy!

I slowly open my eyes and sit up. The moment I see Thor, all mockery leaves me immediately. It isn't Thor's beauty that has this kind of effect on me. It is his pain, his exhaustion. He suffers for me. My imprisonment has hurt him, still hurts him. I would like to wipe that pain off his face and off his soul, but I have mine own pain to deal with right now. No one can cast my pain away. No one cares enough to try.

"Brother, what is wrong?" he asks considerately.

There it is. Thor sees me and immediately knows that there is something wrong. And he cares enough to ask.

"Nothing", I lie. At least, Odin has not taken the power of being a good liar away from me.

"Stop lying to me, brother. You can tell me. Don't you remember telling me all about your fears when we were children?"

I remember…Of course I remember! How can I forget? Those were simpler times , better times. I always had you by my side, my brother and my friend, and we shared everything, even our beds when we were sick or afraid. You got sick very often, big and strong lad though you were. I barely did. Even when we were grown-ups, things were still like that. Oh dear, your sneezing could be heard all over the Nine Realms! And the Midgardians always said that it had just been a lightning or a thunder or something of that sort…

But back then we were brothers and, later, lovers. Our life was peaceful. We had wars to fight of course, but our relationship faced no hardships, apart from the few stupid fights we used to have. We loved each other truly and unconditionally, we were the same.

Now, however, we are as different as day and night, as the sun and the moon…Nevertheless, the moon needs the light of the sun in order to shine. So, maybe, _I_ need _you_ in order to heal. Maybe, if I tell you, a burden will be lifted off of my shoulders.

I look at him deeply in the eyes and let all my emotions break on the surface, appear in my eyes and on my face. If there is one person whom I can let see the real me, that person is Thor without a doubt.

"The guards came here for me a few days ago", I say. My voice comes out so shaky that I fear it might break. "All of them. And…"

As I tell Thor my story, the memory comes back in my mind to haunt me for all eternity…

One of the guards seemed to be the leader of this…gang. He grinned devilishly at me. "We heard you last night", he said. "We don't want you to feel so lonely…"

I looked at them, the gears of my mind working furiously. What the hell did he mean? Why did they all have that expression on their faces? What were they up to? What had they heard?

Fuck. _I love you, Thor._ Those were the only words that I had spoken all this time in my cell. My stomach turned into a tight knot. I could feel the claw of Fear slithering down my spine.

"What did they hear?" Thor asks.

"It doesn't matter", I say. Telling my story is enough humiliation and pain. I can't tell him that I love him and then be rejected by him. So, I carry on, remembering every detail.

The leader approached me and punched me in the stomach. I fell down, realizing how weak I was as a human and how strong I used to be as a God. He kicked me in the ribs, and I made a sound between a whimper and a groan.

"See how weak the Silver-Tongued Prince is now", he mocked me, and the rest of the gang laughed out loud.

He had me naked from the waist down before I could react. One of the other guards walked towards me and held me down firmly so that I wouldn't go anywhere –where could I go really?—while he made me watch as the leader worked on his member until he was hard. _Don't you dare, you little piece of shit!_ I thought but never found the strength to say it out loud.

"I'm sure it's not as big as your brother's", he mocked, "but I think it'll do. Besides, I'm sure Thor was always on top and took you like a hound takes a bitch."

But it wasn't like with Thor. Thor never hurt me. He always held me possessively but gently. He was good to me. He called me "brother' or "lover" or rolled my name in his talented tongue like some sort of exquisite wine. He always held me afterwards and kissed me. He told that he loved me, and I stroked his face and said the same.

That filthy guard, however, thrust in and out of me with as much force as he could master. He raped me as the others watched and laughed and called me names. I screamed, I whimpered, I cried. It felt like it would never end. It felt like this moment would go on and on and on until I became a rotten corpse.

Thor's rage is so great that it makes my cell feel warmer. I cover my face with my hands and rest them on my knees so that Loki will not see the tears that are welling up in my eyes.

He holds my wrists gently and pushes my hands away just as gently. I look at him and can't pretend to not care anymore, to be the rightful king and not the right companion, to be perfect and empty of emotion. That is not me, not really. It has never truly been me.

Thor takes me in his arms and rocks me back and forth slightly as if I am a baby. And I almost cry like a baby in his arms. I let the tears fall, unable to hold them back anymore. These tears are not just for my rape but for my entire life. I have been preventing these tears from being shed for too long.

Thor breaks the embrace but rests his hands on my shoulders, gently squeezing. "What did they hear?" he asks again, in a whisper this time.

I sigh. "That I love you", I confess.

He wipes the tears off my face with his big thumbs. He is so beautiful. Blond hair, blue eyes –he looks like an angel. My angel, who has come to my rescue, even if a little late.

"I love you too, brother", he whispers and covers my mouth with his in a tender kiss.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you all for your support! You make me want to carry on! I hope you'll like the new chapter!**

Thro doesn't come to me the next day. Nor does he come the day after that. Or three days after. I do not blame him, no. He is ashamed of me. I have been tainted. I am a monster broken by monsters. I would be better off dead.

I am not sure just what I want anymore. Do I want to die? Do I want to live and kill every motherfucker that has ever hurt me?

I want Thor. I want him by my side now and always. And the fact that I can't have that shatters my bleeding heart in little pieces that can't be put back together. My execution would have been much better than this. Then again, Odin wants to punish me for my crimes.

Four days later, I notice that most of the guards are dutiful women who do not speak to me. My torturers are nowhere to be seen. The food is better. Curious and curiouser.

This day Thor finally comes to me. He looks younger and more alive. No pain, no exhaustion. I know that face. I always see it after a good kill –no, a good war. My brother is a warrior, not a killer. He is the hero, I am the bad guy. Yes, I am guilty of this crime, but they have turned me into the bad guy with their sweet lies.

A female guard lets Thor in. he has a bright smile on his face, showing his white teeth in the relative darkness of my cell. He walks to me and kneels before me as I am sitting on the bed. Good, he doesn't make me look up at him.

He pushes a lock of my raven black hair behind my ear. "How are you?" he asks, still smiling.

_Great. Just perfect. I've been raped, you bloody fool! Sometimes even your own touch makes my skin crawl._ I say nothing.

He must have realized that his question is stupid and aches me, because the smile melts off his face. "I killed them", he says seriously.

"What?"

"I told Father what the guards did to you. He…he didn't care; he said that you deserve to be punished. Mother couldn't believe what had happened; she cried and cried, until Father decided to find other guards, people who wouldn't hurt you but wouldn't be nice to you either…I appreciated this, but it wasn't enough for me. So, I killed every single man who has ever been your guard. Slowly, painfully. I heard them plead and laughed at their faces. I heard their screams and moaned."

I look at Thor. Should I be repulsed, disgusted, perhaps a bit surprised by what he has done? Maybe, but instead I am grateful. He has spilled blood for me. He loves me…And the way he has spoken of the kills has made me feel…hot…excited…

I grab him from the back of his head and pull him into a hungry kiss. Thor is surprised but responds immediately. His hands rest on my waist and he pulls me closer to him. Soon I can feel his member pressing against me and I smile against his lips. I bite his lower lip almost hard enough to draw blood. Sometimes we really like it rough and, judging from Thor's groan, this is one of those times.

"Fuck me", he whispers.

I look at him. Interesting. Thor likes being on top most of the times. And I like it that way too. But I also like being on top myself. That is when I see just how much power I have over him after all. It is priceless.

We remove the layers of clothing that separate us in no time until it is just him and me. We kiss again and we put all things unsaid in that kiss: desire, rage, love, hurt, lust. We hide nothing from each other.

Thor falls in all fours on the bed. I kiss his back as I slide one finger inside him. After a while, I add one more, making a scissor-like move. Thor turns his head in order to capture my lips with his. Our kiss is a little weird and awkward from this angle, but we both want it too badly to care about that.

A third finger enters Thor, and he groans when I find just the right spot. When I am completely certain that he is ready, I push inside him. Thor groans, and I give him some time to adjust. When he nods, I begin to thrust in and out. I take things slowly at first, but there is the need. There is this feeling right there, the desire for more, more of him and more with him.

I dig my nails in his hips, and before long…well, we are fucking like animals. We are making primitive sounds that could actually scare the guard, but thankfully she is not supposed to come here unless Thor calls for her.

When it is over, when we find the top of the world together, I feel like I can die out of bliss. We groan and scream and howl, and then we lie on the bed together, breaths coming out in short pants, limbs tangled. This has been one of our best times, no doubt.

He strokes my face ever so softly. "I love you, Loki", he whispers. "After everything, I still love you."

I smile and kiss him briefly and tenderly. "I love you too, Thor", I whisper back.

"I'll get you out of here", he promises. One way or another, I will save you, my lover…"


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you for your reviews, favs and favorites! It means a lot to me! I hope you enjoy the new chapter! **

It is nice to know that someone cares about you. This knowledge breathes life inside you. It gives you reason to carry on. It gives you motive to not give up. It makes you a better man.

The same thing is happening to me, unbelievable as it may seem to some. I have been reborn from my ashes like a phoenix, thanks to Thor's love. My mind has stopped plotting against Odin, and against Asgard and Midgard in general. I laugh at the thought of my army of Chitauri, and Thanos haunts me no longer.

And that is the reason why Thor's sudden and unexplained disappearance hurts me so badly that I can almost feel physical pain.

I do know why he no longer comes to me. I ask the guards, but they give me no reply. I express my desire to see my brother, demanding or pleading, but they ignore me. Thor is nowhere in sight for two whole days. It might seem a little dramatic, but I miss him and I know that something is wrong.

Just when I think that a third day will pass with no sign of Thor, he comes to my cell. He looks tired, as if he has spent these two days holding the weight of the world on his shoulders like Atlas did in the mythology of the ancient Greek.

"Father…Father wants to have you executed…" he says weakly.

I look at him. A deep and unnerving silence stretches between us, and although I cannot take it, I do not attempt to break it by speaking. I do not know what to say. Odin wants me dead? These people are supposed to be my family –Frigga herself has said this—but now they want to kill me like an old dog that got sick and of which they are now sick and tired of? Am I not a person to them?

"I have tried to reason with him, but he will have none of that", Thor carries on after what feels like an hour. "He claimed that your imprisonment is not your punishment, that you are in this cell until your true punishment comes: death…"

I want to sigh, but Instead I cough. I do not clear my throat, I _cough_. As strange as sudden coughing for no reason may be, I have a more pressing matter to keep me busy. If Odin wants me dead, then dead I shall be. I might have wanted that in the beginning of my imprisonment, but not anymore. I wish to live now, to live with Thor as we have always been supposed to live.

His hand on my neck brings me back to reality. I look at him, and our eyes lock. "I will talk to him again, my lover", he says. "I will not let anyone harm you, not even Father, the king."

I smile at him in order to show him that I appreciate it very much, but then I cough again. This time it is more intense. I can feel my body shaking and Thor's eyes holding me fixed on the spot.

I look at his worried face and chuckle. "I'm not gonna drop dead, dear brother", I jest.

That look on Thor's face doesn't leave at the sound of my words, but he presses the matter no further. Instead, he says, "I will save you, Loki. I will not give up on you. I will not give up on us."

I smile again, a genuine smile this time, before I lean in to kiss him tenderly. I have caused him a lot of pain, and that thought causes me pain as well. Thor has never lied to me. It was Thor who kept trying to find the good, human side inside that monster that I had become. I kiss him again, because he deserves to be kissed all the time. And I, the monster, want to taste him again and again and again, even though I do not deserve it.

He strokes my cheek. Someone might think that a man of Thor's size could not be gentle. I do not know about other men, I do not care. Thor is. He is gentle and tender, and his skin is soft and warm and sets mine on fire.

"I love you, Thor. I do. You have to believe this."

He plants a soft kiss on my forehead, as if he is giving me his blessing. "I do. Believe you, brother. And I love you also. I do. And now, I shall speak to father once again. I will save you, no matter what it takes."

He gives me a kiss to remember him by before he leaves –a kiss that I shall remember until the world ends—and leaves. I fall on the bed, feeling exhausted. I do not know if Thor will manage to save me, but at least he will try. He will oppose his father, the All Father, his king, in order to save me. I do not deserve Thor.

I cough again…and something liquid comes out. I frown and wipe my mouth. Despite the overwhelming feeling of being extremely tired, I find the strength to wide my eyes in an almost painful level. There is blood. Red, warm, sweet blood. My blood.


	6. Chapter 6

**A review and a twitter follow **

**will make my heart less hollow**

**You know how to leave a review—many of you have done it, and I thank you all! Your support means the world to me! **_**If**_** you want to follow me on twitter, just check my profile!**

Frigga comes to me. She looks tired and older. Have I caused that much pain to all of them, to my entire Asgardian "family"? And if so, why do I care?

I know why, of course. Because even if I do not want to admit it, even if the same blood doesn't course through our veins, they are still my family. The only family I have ever had and the only family I shall ever have. They never deserved what I have done to them, not Thor and Frigga at least.

She walks to me slowly, as if she is afraid of me…or afraid that she might scare me if she makes any sudden moves. Some other time, I might enjoy teasing her, scaring her, but not now. Besides, I have never acted like that towards Frigga. I have always respected her. She had earned it long ago.

"Loki?" she calls softly, gently, like a mother's touch.

I sit up on the bed and look at her. For a moment, I see almost everything around me black, but I do not pass out. Frigga, however, as if she has sensed my discomfort and weakness, looks worried and falls on her knees before me. A mother acts like that—she knows when there is something wrong with her child, even if the child tries to hide it.

"Loki, what is wrong?"

I give her no answer. I cannot admit my weakness. I have always hated being weak. I still do. After everything, certain things have not changed. That is good, I suppose; it means that I have not lost myself completely. I am still the same deep down, and Thor brings another part of my old self back on the surface as the days go by.

She notices the scarf. Thankfully, it is black, so no one can see the red stains my blood has created, but still she knows. Something is wrong, and she knows it. She has found the toad of truth in this swamp of lies in a way only a mother can.

"Loki, what—"

"I am coughing blood these days. Interesting, isn't it? First, it turns out I am a Frost Giant, and now this…" I leave a hollow laughter. To be honest, this is no laughing matter; something is wrong, terribly wrong. But there is nothing I can do about it, so it is better to look strong and unconcerned in front of Frigga, in front of anyone else who might come and visit me—although I doubt that someone else will come.

She takes a deep breath, as if she tries to prevent herself from crying. She takes my hand, and I am surprised, to say the least. I look at our joined hands. How can she still love me after everything I have done? I do not deserve her love. I do not deserve anyone's love, only their pity—and that is something I do not want.

"Loki, I shall bring the healer to you."

"No", I say, and my voice comes out sharper than I have wanted. "No", I say again a little softer after I see the hurt in her eyes. "No healer can save me now. Just leave me be."

"Thor doesn't know, does he?" Although it comes out as a question, we both know that she knows the answer already.

"No", I mumble.

She gives me a small smile. "You are not the monster you pretend to be, Loki. You still care about your brother, and he cares very much about you. He keeps talking to Odin about you. Odin does not really want you dead, Loki. He only says that because he wants to avoid a trial; he knows that after a trial you will be sentenced to death, and then he will not be able to do anything—the king needs to follow the rules, because if he does not, who will?"

I nod. I do not want to talk about Odin. I do not want to talk about Thor either, because I might break and weep in front of her. I cannot. If I want to cry, I do it at night and silently so that no one can see me or hear me.

"We all mourned for you, you know", she carries on, as though, for the first time, her mother instinct has given up on her. "Odin tried to keep his composure, of course, for he is the King of Asgard, but I was with him every night, so I know how he felt. Thor…Thor took it very badly. He stayed in his chamber and did not get out for any reason. He spoke to no one. Food was brought to him, but he never touched it. One day…we found him unconscious. His body needs food, even though he is a god…He loves you very much, Loki. We all do."

I look at her, and the moment I do that, the game is lost. Her eyes, so honest and considerate, strip me of any pretence and leave nothing but the real Loki. I cry before I even know what I am doing. Frigga wraps her arms around me, and I feel safe. I feel like I am at home. I cry and cry and cry like a baby or a little boy would, and I feel free. I do not want to cry, but after everything I have been through, I need it. I need to get it out of my system. I have needed this for so long, but I have been blind—again.

She strokes my hair—it has grown even longer now—and whispers in my ear, "Shh…it is alright. You are here now. You are safe."

"What…what is happening to me?" I manage to say between my sobs.

She sighs. I prepare myself for the worst. I always prepare myself for the worst.

"You are dying", she replies in the end. "As a god, you have lived for too long…and your human body cannot take it anymore. A mortal doesn't live a third of your life but much less. So…now…your new form is dying, decaying…"

It takes me a moment to understand that she is crying as well, because I have so much to digest, to think about…I am dying. For real this time. No coming back. Just death. Now that it is coming, now that it is so close to me, I do not want it. I am afraid, I realize. I do not want to leave this world yet, no. It might be cold and heartless, but Thor is in it and he is with me. Just when I stop being a monster, I am punished in the worst way…


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey, guys! So…I mentioned a scarf in the previous chapter without explaining where the hell it came from…Sorry about that! I thought I had written about it! I explain it in this chapter! Enjoy and…reviews maybe?**

Fear cuts through me like as cold knife. I cannot think of anything worse than knowing you are going to die soon, slowly and in pain. I know that my death is not that far away anymore. I shudder at the mere thought of it. Death is so final. It is not like Odin's sleep. When it happens, nothing can be done to reverse it, to undo it. It is the end of a life.

My life has been long. As a child, I would lose myself in the books…and then, at some point, Thor would come and begin teasing me. He would ask me to play with him. When I refused, he would call me names in order to provoke me, he would tickle me. I would give in almost every time.

In our teens, I would leave the palace more often because of my desire to enjoy the sun, to feel it on my cold skin, to look at it until it burned my eyes. Sif would come with me and Thor many times. I would begin to comprehend what jealousy means after noticing the stolen glances between the two of them.

Time went by, we grew up. We fought to preserve peace, to protect the Realms. After a very exhausting war, it happened. Thor kissed me for the first time. I still remember it as if it has happened only yesterday. We were glad that we had survived. We had had some wine, jesting and laughing with our companions. We were in Thor's room and as we were laughing, he grabbed me and pulled me into a hungry kiss. I was too surprised to respond –to do anything, actually—and Thor looked very surprised as well when he broke the kiss. We looked at each other, thinking, wondering. I touched his face, just barely, and we kissed again. And again and again. It wasn't because of the wine, we hadn't had that much; we were drunk in love, we were drunk in each other. That night was the first time I had ever seen Thor not being sure what to do. He wanted me, but he feared that maybe it was a little early. He wanted to take me, but he was afraid that he might hurt me. In the end, he took me, and after the first stings of pain, all I could feel was bliss, and love, and Thor.

I have not told him about my condition yet. Before Frigga's visit, a guard saw me and announced that she would go tell All Father about my ill health. I weakly told her not to, and she looked at me with pity. I do not want people to feel sorry for me. Unfortunately, I did not have enough strength to yell at her. In the end, she gave me her black scarf and said nothing to All Father.

I do not want Thor to be worried about me. He has enough in his mind already, he has already suffered because of me. Let him be with his friends, the Lady Sif and the Warriors Three. Let him take a trip to his precious Earth and have fun with the Avengers. The Stark Tower must be repaired by now; Tony Stark, an infamous playboy, would love to throw a party. Rogers would be there trying to blend in. Banner would try to remain calm so as not to turn into a green monster. Agent Romanoff would act not like a spider but like a cat, setting her penetrating eyes on every male, mewling sexily, dancing with everyone, pushing her curves against them all. Last but not least, Barton will be a hawk as always, watching, throwing jealous glances on anyone who is with Romanoff.

Yes, Thor should be with them. He deserves to be happy.

I, on the other hand, am finally getting what I deserve. I am a monster, a criminal, a destroyer. I deserve to be punished. Maybe karma does exist after all, and this is what I deserve. I had Thor, but I repaid the universe, fate, or whatever this is, if it is something in truth, in the worst way. I killed, I destroyed. And for what? For nothing, in the end. I was arrested by mere mortals who looked at me as if I was absolutely nothing. I was stripped of all my powers. I was locked in a cell and I was raped by my guards. I failed the Chitauri and Thanos. I failed myself. I lost myself.

So, now, I am going to lose my life. An execution would be better, admittedly. At least, it would be quick and painless. I would walk with my back straight, as if I owned the place. I would die with my pride. No one would feel sorry for me. They would be afraid of me. They would respect me. Maybe, some of them would admire me.

Now, however, I get this. A slow death in a dark cell. Pity from a mere guard. Hatred.

I do not blame anyone for the way they feel about me. They are right. They are just. They give me what I should.

All I want is Thor. That is all I ask for. I want nothing more anymore. I just want him by my side, in my life forever.

But my life is slowly leaving me, and that means that Thor is getting further and further away from me. My brother, my friend, my lover. The only person that I have never stopped loving. The only that has never seen me as a monster. The only person that has always been completely honest with me. The only person that I want in my life and the only person that I do not deserve.

Farewell, Thor. I shall miss you.

**Sad? Fluffy? Boring? Tiring? Terrible? Tell me what you think! **


	8. Chapter 8

It is not easy to weave words into lies. It is a special that only few possess. I have always believed that I am one of those few. After all, I am known as the Silver-Tongued Prince. I am an exceptionally good liar.

Until Thor comes to me and proves me wrong. I try to hide my condition, but I am good at hiding the truth only, not my weakness. Thor sees that I am in a terrible state. Thinner, paler, coughing the small amount of blood that I still have left inside my frail body. People do not realize that it is life that is sickening and despairing and not worth living. Death is a relief, something that pulls you out of your misery and gives you peace. You can never truly know peace as long as you are alive, not but for a short time –if you are lucky.

My lover falls on his knees in front of me and holds my face between his strong hands. His eyes move all over me faster than an arrow, too quickly for me to follow. "Brother, what is wrong?" he asks worried. "What is happening to you?"

"Oh, nothing. I'm dying, that's all." I give him a tiny smile.

"This is no joking matter, Loki. What is happening? Can I help you?"

I suddenly have an idea, a really good idea. "Yes. Yes, you can."

"Tell me. I shall do anything for you."

My smile widens. You better mean that, Thor. You better stay true to your word. "Kill me", I whisper.

Thor looks at me as if he can't really understand what the words I have just spoken mean. Then, his face becomes a mask of denial, sadness and bitterness. "How can you ask me to do such a thing?" he whispers back.

"I am suffering, my lover. I cannot take this anymore. If you do this, you will save me from more of this pain. Do I deserve to live in agony?"

He shakes his head in denial.

"Thank you…Kill me and you'll save me. Kill me and you'll be the hero who slew the greatest monster of all."

Now Thor looks angry. Talk about quick temper. "Do not think yourself as a monster, Loki! You are the son of a Frost Giant, but you are not a monster! You have made some wrong choices, but you are not a monster!"

I can spend hours arguing about that, proving him that I am right and I am a monster after all. However, I do not wish to spend our limited time together fighting over that matter. Besides, I do not know just how much time I have left.

"Please, Thor, kill me…"

"No, I cannot do this! I love you too much to kill you!"

I look at him with sad eyes. Why can't he see? Why will he not help me? Am I asking for too much? "But you don't love me enough to save me?"

"W-why is this happening, Loki?"

"Well…" I let out a sigh. He has managed to change the subject, but not for long. You can't trick a trickster. "My human form cannot take all these years I have lived as a god. So…I am dying."

Thor takes a deep breath and looks down, obviously lost in thought. I know that my demise is going to crush him. If only I could make him hate me somehow so that he wouldn't be in pain after my death! He has suffered greatly because of me already. He does not deserve this.

He looks up at me. "What if Father gives you your powers back?"

I shrug. "It might work", I reply. But I do not want him to do that. I do not want Odin to grant me such a favor. I do not need him. I do not want people to feel sorry for me or to believe that I, Loki of Asgard, am at their mercy. I would rather die…Oh, wait…

"I shall go to him", Thor says. "He does not wish you dead. He shall help you."

As Thor begins to rise, I grab his wrist. "Please, stay", I beg. You will be sorry if you leave now, trust me…

He looks at me, and among concern, sadness and love, I can also see pity. If I saw that emotion on someone else's face, I would use my scheming mind and my poisonous words in order to replace that pity with fear. But now it is Thor I have before me; I cannot do such a thing.

I rest my hands on his shoulders. "I love you, Thor. I regret dearly every time that I have hurt you, both physically and psychologically. You do not deserve this. You do not deserve me."

He smiles at me. There he is, my sun. With his shiny blond hair, his honest blue eyes and his cute and reassuring smile. He makes my cell brighter. He makes my world brighter. He makes me brighter.

"You are forgiven, Loki. I have forgiven you for what you have done even before you did them, because I love you. And no, I don't deserve you; but only because you are too good for me."

I look at him, biting my lip. I will not cry. I. Will. Not. Cry. I have a task to do. A very important one. So, I fall in his embrace, and he holds me tightly. So tightly that it is hard to tell where my body ends and where his begins, yet not so tightly that he is suffocating me. He strokes my hair lovingly and rocks me back and forth slightly as though I am the most precious thing in the world.

"I love you, Loki", he whispers in my ear. "I shall love you until the twilight of Asgard comes and we no longer exist. I shall love you now and forever, until the end of time and beyond."

I can no longer control myself. I allow myself to go loose inside his protective arms and I weep. Thor is shaking a little, so he must be crying too. I must tell him now, or I shall never get another chance.

"I used to…hate you, you know. I wanted to hurt Midgardians, because I wanted to hurt you. I only wanted to see you so that I could cause you pain. I hated you so much! But, in truth, I only hated myself! I was lied to, betrayed, lost. But…but you brought me back. You gave me my old life back. You gave me myself back…I love you! I love you more than anyone has ever loved a person…I do…"

I sob, and Thor strokes my hair again. He breaks the embrace, still holding me close though. He kisses me tenderly, and I almost melt. His lips are fire, but the good kind of fire. The fire that I don't mind being consumed by.

"I shall go to Father", he announces. "When he gives you your powers back, we shall begin a new life. We shall be happy, I promise you."

He rises, and this time I let him. I nod, because I do not trust my voice right at this moment. I watch him as he leaves, having no idea of what is about to happen.

I reach behind me and grab the cold steel. Thor hasn't noticed that I took his knife as he held me in his arms. I look at it. I pierced his flesh with it once. Now I shall use it again…

I am Loki of Asgard. I do not need All Father's help. I do not wish to have my powers back so as to be punished in some other way. I have had enough. I am a monster, and this is what a monster deserves. Odin didn't order it when he had the chance. Thor didn't do it when I begged him to. When you want something done, do it yourself.

Farewell, brother. I shall always love you.

These are my last thoughts as the knife enters my flesh, spilling my life blood.

**I want to thank every single person who has reviewed, favorite and/or followed my story! I wouldn't have made it without your support, guys! Tell me, what do you think of this last chapter? I would really like to know what your opinion is!**

**Sikt, I hope that you are not disappointed! I know that you wanted a happy ending, but I couldn't do it…I love Loki with all my heart and ThunderFrost is my OTP, but I find this ending more fitting…Hope you like it!**


End file.
